"Backtrack, do it again..."

 All these years and I thought Steely Dan was singing, "Backtrack, do it again- Wheels turnin' round and round" but it turns out it's "Back JACK, do it again." Since I've never been one to let the truth stand in the way of a good story or a life theme song, I'm keeping "Backtrack" as my official perseverence anthem.I'm singing it now and here's why: I can be such a wimpy baby quitter when confronted with a difficult task. For "difficult" read: anything challenging, new or unable to be completed in a day. There comes a time in everyone's life when new tools are needed. This fall, I've been spending lots of time in life's workshop trying to find some perseverence. Well, mostly crawling on the floor trying to paste together the fragments and bits of my old "Patience" toolkit with extremely limited success. I need more than patience, I need the guts and grit necessary to keep going amidst no apparent success. I need perseverence. I wish positive character attributes were easier to get. If there were a Sears store for the Psyche, I would be a preferred customer. NOT even kidding.Maybe you'll relate to some of the following projects that came to a complete standstill until I found some perseverence:

1. New Skill Leaving Appleworks for Photoshop has been tough. In fact, don't tell Photoshop, but I'm still seeing Appleworks for all sorts of reasons. Yes, Appleworks knows there's no future for us - when I'm selecting an object, AWks itself admits: "This area too complicated". How can I leave someone so honest, so direct, so, so.....vulnerable? Nonetheless, I have to leave. My screen printer insists on it as does every design partner, webmaster or breathing human. But, man is it hard. I am two days behind deadline for a design and it's not because I haven't been working steadily. It's just that learning something this big and new takes time. There are no shortcuts. Even my prayer and meditation times seem to tell me that God promised not to leave me or forsake me. He didn't promise to wiggle His nose like Samantha Stevens to magically implant knowledge into my brain and sheaves of freshly minted graphics in my outbox. Persevere. It will be worth it. It will produce a sense of accomplishment and the rush of euphoria that results from a job well done.

 2. Deeper Relationships  I love my family to bits. My mom is my hero, yet I recently have neglected to do a few simple things that she's told me help her feel valued. Call her for a coffee date. Call her at all, for pete's sake. Personal concerns have crowded out simple relationship maintenance that benefits mother and daughter. Coffee last week with my bright, brainy Democrat mother was an utter delight - kept me on my toes, too. A bit of time away from me,me,me produced, peace, perspective, and intimacy. Persevere. Remember to keep loving the ones we take for granted.

3.Resolved Identity Crisis  Sending son #2 off to university and my baby girl to high school sent me into a tailspin. My days of hands-on parenting were over. No longer the center of their universe, I had to teach myself a new way to parent.It was hard. I didn't want to do it. I wanted my son to come back. I wanted my daughters underfoot, vying for my time and attention. This version of motherhood was impossible. I lived in denial until I realized that I was being a bit intrusive, clingy and annoying. Sidenote: I shouldn't say, "I realized" I should say  I was informed that I was intrusive, clingy and annoying...What ensued was weeks of crying and saying, "What's the point? They don't need me for anything except cash and rides....blah." That's where the peverence was needed. Did I want to become a guilt producing mommy who lived in the past grieving for days goneby? A mom who had an air of disappointment and unmet expectations around her whenever her kids were around? "You never call, I get no attention, What do you care? Why don't you go off to that fancy-schmancy high school of yours and ask the big smart friends you spend all your time with...." Yikes. I'd hate to be around me then. So, am I going to run true to type and be a big wimpy quitter? NO! I'm going to hammer out a new relationship with each of these twerps I love so much. I will try to keep my expectations low, my hopes high, my arms open and my mouth shut. 

4. Physical Fitness Self explanatory. I'm right there with ya. 

 Ask your Creator to help you find some perseverence daily. You'll need it to keep those "wheels turnin' round and round"... 

Mr. President,

I have decided to love you. Not because you are lovable - although you sort of are. But because the Living God makes it very clear that I must. The reason this is difficult for me is that we differ so greatly on the issue of life. Many years ago, I believed the lie of abortion and have endured the consequences ever since. Additionally, there is no intellectual integrity in resolving the issue this way: "I think it's wrong for me, but I can't tell some one else what to do." If something is wrong, it's wrong. And, baby, abortion is wrong. So, that's why I never even considered voting for you. No hard feelings, I hope.

In my attitudes, in my speech, I hope you'll see love. Love being patient, kind, not easily angered, rejoicing in the truth...all that love is as outlined in 1Corinthians 13. Praying about all this, about our country, about you, our new president, I think God said this:

"Remember, it's LOVE that wins people to me."

He's right:

-Norma McCorvey (the Jane Roe in Roe v Wade) falling to her knees, acknowledging her need for a savior, and accepting Jesus Christ as the Way, the Truth & the Life after being loved consistently, irrationally, and deeply by her bible believing neighbors.

-Me, taking my first pathetic step of faith towards a righteous God only after He demonstrated His goodness to me for YEARS through the loving actions of His people

-The Venbergs packing up lock, stock & barrel & living amongst the people of Doh- rejoicing in the one soul God brought into fellowship with Himself.

It's his LOVE. The Living God is willing and able to change hearts.

How beautiful to think that our first black president is surely here in this place and in this time because of the passion and obedience of the Christians who began the civil rights movement. God's love transforms people, situations, the world. I believe this. I've tried to guard my heart, to hold something back because the disappointment of (what I perceive to be) unanswered prayer hurts way too much. God has shown me this is a lack of faith and is wrong. Hence, I'm done with that B.S. I either have to believe God or get out of the game.  I'm in. I am praying for you, Mr. President. I'm praying you will have a miraculous change of heart about the Pro Life issue - so much so that you gets all sorts of crap from the left. But I am praying you don't weaken, that your gifts of persuasive speech will be used for God's glory and the preservation of life.

I am praying that God's Spirit will move in a mighty way amongst His people. I pray God will raise up a Daniel or a Joseph who has the king's ear - a man or woman who follows God and will have influence with our president. I pray that this trusted man or woman of God will remain strong - no compromise and full of God's Spirit and love.

Call me on it when I am discouraged or unloving - and it will happen. And I might get annoyed for a second - but do it anyway. I want to love by His power and have that love matter for the Kingdom.

Love you,

Susan